Behind His Lens Read online

  I stumbled into modeling my senior year of college and everything happened in a flash. At the time, I’d been looking for a way to make ends meet, knowing I wanted to paint full time. Modeling honestly seemed like the perfect fit until I realized that my quiet life might soon be threatened.

  I shrug off the uneasy feeling and remind myself that the girl only recognized me because she’s in the fashion industry, and she’s obviously working on the shoot. To most people I’m still a nobody.

  That reassuring thought settles the nerves that had bloomed in my stomach right as the elevator dings, alerting us that we’re on level three. The moment the doors slide open, the photo shoot unravels before me like a three-ring circus. Loud music pounds from a stereo system, pumping a heavy beat through the entire room. People are darting around in every direction. Stylists are picking accessories and shoes, while tossing away the rejects into a messy pile. Their assistants are steaming the wrinkles out of dozens of couture gowns that hang like pieces of art in need of worship. Photographers are already checking the lighting and marks for the planned shots.

  Even though the scene is a complete mess, it makes me smile. No one thinks about the manpower that goes into one single photograph in a magazine. You see the flawlessly airbrushed model and subconsciously want to buy whatever she’s wearing, but no one considers the assistant that had to hold the diffuser for three hours to block unwanted shadows. I like seeing the behind-the-scenes of production; it makes the end result all the more amazing.

  “Where the hell is our model?” A deep voice suddenly snaps from behind the digital monitors set up for the director and head photographer. The gruff voice takes me by surprise and I have to swallow my nerves before answering.

  “I’m sorry I’m late! I lost track of time,” I chirp lamely. Deep Voice doesn’t even have the decency to raise his head above the monitors.

  “Charley, we need you in hair and makeup, please,” the art director, Mrs. Hart, chimes as she rounds the table away from the cranky photographer. Mrs. Hart is one of the best directors in the industry and I can’t believe I’m getting to work with her. Not to mention, at just shy of fifty, she still looks flawless. Everything about her oozes style. I’ve looked up to her for some time. I’ll have to stay focused and make up for my tardiness. First impressions are important, and she probably already has a negative opinion of me now. I don’t want her to think I’m taking this photo shoot for granted— It’s paying my rent for five months, and in New York, that’s no small feat.

  “Hello, Mrs. Hart.” I smile brightly. “It’s such an honor to work with you. I’m so sorry for being late.” I shake her hand hurriedly and keep talking as I walk toward the corner where the makeup crew is set up. Vanity mirrors hang in front of black, swivel chairs.

  Mrs. Hart replies with a genuine smile before turning to the inspiration boards where Polaroids of each outfit are being pinned by her assistants. I breathe a sigh of relief. At least she doesn’t seem to mind that I was a teensy bit late. Now I’ll just have to work on the photographer.

  I drop my bag out of everyone’s way, up against one of the black tables, and then gaze upon a sight that never seems to get old. It’s the only part of modeling I don’t have to pretend to enjoy. Laying on the surface of the table is every kind of cosmetic imaginable. Creamy blushes, silky mascaras, and bright lipsticks are lined up in perfect rows, ready for the taking. As a painter, I love gazing upon the rows of makeup as if they’re the tools for creating the perfect masterpiece: unyielding beauty, flawless enough to conceal the demons lying beneath the surface.

  I thumb a bright red lipstick that looks like a sparkling ruby and try to commit the name to memory. Nars - Heat Wave. How fitting. I may have to pick up a tube on my way home later.

  A throat clears softly behind me and I look up to see the pink haired girl prepping her curling iron and smiling over at me.

  “I think we’ll all try to work on you at once, Charley. If that’s alright?” she asks timidly. Her demureness is strange to behold in an industry where everyone seems to take what they want, when they want it. I’m usually the shyest on set, but I think she may have me beat today.

  “That sounds great, Ms…?” I reply, sitting down in the black chair in front of her.

  “Oh! You can call me Joanie!” she answers swiftly as she unravels a shiny black smock. Before she can slip it around me, I peel off my old college sweatshirt. The razorback tank top hidden underneath should provide me with enough warmth now that I’m inside the studio, and they’d kill me if I ruined my hair later on.

  I sigh happily into the seat and meet Joanie’s eyes in the large mirror before me.

  “Have at it,” I joke with a shrug, knowing that my body is about to go through one major transformation.

  In a matter of minutes, I have five different women pulling and plucking me. A small, wiry haired woman is buffing my nails before applying a simple, cream polish. Joanie is curling and tweezing my hair into a modern up-do that pulls my long blonde hair off my neck.

  Most of the time I have to keep my eyes closed so the other women can work on my makeup, but every now and then I chance a peek at myself in the mirror. I know I’m pretty, or I wouldn’t be hired for jobs, but it amazes me that with the help of five well-trained women, I can end up looking sort of, unreal. I realize it’s just the makeup, but sometimes I let myself imagine that the radiance shining through is coming from me instead.

  “How are we doing over there? Are we almost ready for wardrobe?” Mrs. Hart asks as her designer heels clap across the stained concrete floor, heading in my direction.

  “Just a few last minute touches,” Joanie offers sweetly. I find myself wishing I could have her with me on every photo shoot. Despite her pink rocker hair, she has quite a calming presence.

  “Oh, simply gorgeous! You have the most exquisite bone structure, Charley,” Mrs. Hart oozes as she pats my arm over the black smock. I feel my cheeks glow bright, even under the blush. It’s not every day that a woman, as influential as her, notices me.

  I keep my eyes closed and soak in her compliment. “Thank you, Mrs. Hart,” I chirp.

  “I think we ought to add a red lip though, ladies. She’s wearing a cream gown for the first few shots and we want her lips to stand out.”

  “Oh definitely,” Joanie agrees, and I hear her reaching over to grab one of the tubes off the table. I hope it’s the ruby red.

  Jude

  Assistants bust their asses around me, shifting the lights and fixing the draping so that the model can step onto the set in a moment. It’s times like these that I hate my job. Models are not the easiest people to work with, especially when they’re late. The last thing I need is some vapid nineteen-year-old calling the shots on my set. It appears this one is no different. I’ve never worked with her before and was ready to give her the benefit of the doubt until she walked in and offered apologies with that sweet voice. She probably gets away with murder with a voice like that.

  “Mrs. Hart, let’s do this. My crew is ready,” I demand. The manicured director gives me playful glare before she steps back to glance at the model. Alright, I’ll ease up. It’s just that timing is everything with these shoots. Those women can curl hair all day if no one stops them. It’s my job to keep the shoot running on time. On the other hand, I don’t want to piss Mrs. Hart off. She likes me for whatever reason, and I’d like to keep it that way.

  The studio we’re using was designed so that the prep teams operate behind a large partition. It offers the models privacy as the crew fits and tailors their clothing, and it keeps the set a bit more controlled. Models lose focus with so many people rushing around them and I always make sure my shoots are closed to anyone who isn’t absolutely necessary. Today, the crew will remain behind the partition while Mrs. Hart and I direct the model. The model. I guess I should learn her name. I can’t very well call her “model” when I’m ordering her around. I’m not a complete brute.

  “Flawless,” I hear Mrs. Hart
chime behind me as she assesses the first outfit, and I turn toward her voice.

  “Good, let’s go,” I bark, waiting for her to look over so that I can give her a sly wink. She’s easily twenty years my senior, but I’m sure if she were closer to my age and single, I’d be her type. And you better believe I use that fact to my advantage.

  She rolls her eyes playfully at my bad attitude at the same moment that the model steps out from behind the partition behind her.

  In a whoosh, the air evacuates from my lungs, leaving me grasping for a deep breath to no avail.

  Fuck.

  She’s not the model.

  She’s the blonde from the club last night. Just like that, every ounce of resolve I’d built the night before on my midnight run drips to a puddle at my feet. There’s a shifting feeling, almost a pang, near my heart as I take her in.

  My body flexes in recognition and I have to grip my camera tighter in my palm for fear that it’ll clatter to the ground and I’ll look like a complete dunce.

  What the hell are the odds? Of course she’s a fucking model. She’s too gorgeous to be real and any other job wouldn’t suit her. All of a sudden the voice seems absolutely fitting. It is as sweet as honey and it matches her perfectly.

  I watch her step onto the set and walk toward me, but I don’t register the movements. Instead, I take in every single detail about her. I didn’t get to see her up close last night, and I now realize that if I had, I would have never left without meeting her. She has bright, blue eyes that compliment her glowing skin. Her pale blonde hair is twisted up off her neck, but a few shorter pieces frame her face. So much beauty is framed between those tendrils of hair, and I have to clench my fist for fear that I’ll reach out and touch her. Her body is wrapped in a gown that hugs the alluring curvature of her body. She’s on the short end of the spectrum for models, maybe 5’7, which I’m assuming is why she’s doing print work rather than walking the runway.

  Holy hell. I want her.

  I gaze down at her red lips and I instantly imagine what her mouth would look like wrapped around my cock. Would her red lipstick smear across my skin?

  “ley…” Oh shit. I glance up and notice she’s been speaking this entire time. That’s when I realize her petite hand is outstretched in front of her, aimed directly at me like a white flag. Too bad I’m not thinking of surrender.

  I cough, standing a little taller, “I didn’t catch that.”

  She shifts her weight and speaks softly, “I was just introducing myself. I’m Charley.”

  I reach out to shake her hand and like fireworks, her skin crackles against mine. She smiles coyly, glancing down at her high-heeled feet. I want to force that chin up so badly that my body physically aches.

  “Once again, I’m sorry I was late, but I promise I’ll stay focused for you,” she murmurs shyly.

  For me.

  Repeat after me. You do not date models.

  “Nice to meet you, Charley. I’m Jude,” I croak, like a fucking fourteen-year-old boy. I clear my throat gruffly and try speaking again, “It’s no problem, but we need to get started.”

  My hand runs through my hair to wipe away the residual tingling from my palm as she steps onto the set. My gaze lingers longingly on her as she walks away from me, and the sappy gesture snaps me back to reality. This day will be impossible to get through unless I put these bizarre feelings aside. I’ve never had a problem dealing with models before, but then again, I’ve never been affected by one the way Charley affects me.

  “Let’s get some music going. This place is too quiet,” I bark toward my assistants. Not thirty seconds later, Bastille’s “Pompeii” floods the studio with an upbeat rhythm.

  “There we go,” I breathe, letting the music move through me, reminding me of the job I need to do. My camera feels like an extension of my hand as I move closer to the white draping. Charley’s already moving in soft, fluid steps, getting a feel for her gown and the scene. It’s a simple set. The focus is meant to be on the dress she’s wearing, so when I angle the camera’s viewfinder in front of my eye, I only see Charley, outlined by a white backdrop and nothing more.

  Her soft blue eyes glance up at me from beneath her black lashes. Her mouth parts slightly, waiting for my cue. I’ve no doubt I’ll fantasize about this very moment later tonight. The moment when she finally stood before me, ready for me to command her movements and coax out her every emotion. I know she’ll be receptive, she looks submissive and beautiful; ready for every bit of pleasure I’d allow her to feel.

  “These first few shots need to be simple. No smile. Captivating eyes, focused straight on me,” I demand, already enjoying the feeling of ordering this Angel around.

  “Okay,” she murmurs, stepping into character.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Charley

  He should be on the other side of the lens. He’s too handsome to be a photographer. But on the other hand, he might even be too handsome to be a model. I know that seems strange, but it’s true. This photographer, Jude, is one hundred percent man and thinking about him posing awkwardly in styled clothing forces me to shove down a giggle.

  “Sharper face, Charley. No smiling yet,” he instructs as I watch him crouch low on his heels.

  Focus.

  God, he’s bossy and gorgeous. He’s got that dark, second-day stubble that gives him just the right amount of ruggedness. He looks like a perfect combination of a New York intellectual and a sexy Bear Grylls. Like he would read the Times while starting a fire with two dry sticks and a piece of flint. Does such a thing even exist?

  I’ve never found my job quite so easy. He wants me to focus on him and that’s what I’ll do.

  With pleasure.

  Naomi will want to know every detail about the first man I’ve found attractive in quite some time, so I start at his feet, taking in his worn, MacAlister leather boots. I know it’s petty, but I can’t help but judge a guy based on his choice of footwear. Luckily, Jude completely passes the test. His boots rest beneath worn, dark wash jeans that sit perfectly low on his hips. He’s wearing a vintage Yankees t-shirt that stretches across his broad shoulders and slim waist. His arms shift and flex as he moves the camera. He’s got strong, toned arms. The kind of arms you get from lifting weights and then running to counteract the overt bulkiness.

  Damn. Where do they keep guys like this and why couldn’t he have been at the club last night?

  Yeah right. I would’ve still turned him down. It’s the way it has to be right now. I have to focus on healing myself first.

  But in the mean time, I can ogle my photographer, right? I have to be here anyway so I might as well enjoy the view.

  I lift a hand and wrap it elegantly around my neck.

  “Hold there, Charley. That’s perfect,” he comments, and I hear Mrs. Hart agree from the sidelines. I’d forgotten she was there for a moment.

  Posing is second nature to me at this point. I let the music guide me as I hit various positions, trying to show off the silky cream gown from the best angles. Florence + the Machine’s “Shake it Out” blasts from the speakers and I move seductively for the camera… or maybe it’s for Jude. He stays silent and keeps clicking away, so I know I’m giving him good poses.

  After quite a few shots, I relax my arms by my side. Jude pulls the camera away from his face and scrolls through the last few shots. With a sigh, he glances up and narrows his eyes, as if considering what we’re missing. His studious pose gives me a chance to see his gaze without the bulky camera lens in the way. He’s got the bluest eyes— bright aqua, maybe even lighter than mine. I’ve never dated a guy with blue eyes before. But that’s probably because I don’t date at all.

  He shoves his hand through his unruly, dark brown hair again and I have to hide a smile. Each time he does that it makes his hair even sexier, and the gesture sends a shot of lust straight to my core.

  “We have great shots of the dress, but I think we should mix it up a bit,” Jude’s deep voice filters through
the room as he turns toward Mrs. Hart.

  “I agree. The Dior gown is sexy and so far these images have been beautiful… but restrained.” Mrs. Hart interlaces her hands and steeples her index fingers beneath her chin in thought.

  A moment later, her eyes light up and she snaps her fingers. Before I know it, she’s stepping toward me with fierce determination.

  “Charley, turn around and I’ll unzip the dress. The draping on the back is beautiful and I think we could get a sexy shot of you showing a bit more skin.”

  What?

  My heartbeat races as though it’s losing a fight with the blood circulating through my system. My eyes dart over to Jude, but he’s glancing down at his camera wearing a mask of indifference. It’s not as if I haven’t shown skin at a shoot before. If anything, most of these high-end fashion magazines prefer it if you’re completely naked while holding their products. Not to mention, I’m usually posing with an equally-nude male model. But for some reason, Jude’s eyes seem more penetrating than any I’ve felt before. Unable to stop myself, I second guess Mrs. Hart’s opinion.

  “Are you sure? The front of the dress is so lovely.” The look she shoots me says it all: it’s not a model’s job to direct the photo shoot. I’m meant to comply quickly and gracefully, like a life-size Barbie doll.

  My hands tremble as I turn away from Jude. I can feel his eyes on me now as if he’s finally catching up to the events taking place. My skin blazes under his gaze. Mrs. Hart comes to stand directly behind me, and when her chilled fingers touch my neck, I jump slightly. Pretend this is a different shoot with a different photographer, I tell myself, trying to lose focus on the white backdrop that now lies before me.